4th July: Lawyer day

I knew it was not going to be as smooth sailing as he tot. Turned out, we had to wait for 6 months before the divorce papers could be generated.

My entire mind started thinking uncontrollably. What status am I to have giving birth to our baby? Am I going to have a wedding? Will he plan one with me? Is he going to want this as much as I do?

I really want to be happy, having a baby, having a happy new love life.

God does not seemed to want to end the game yet.

Back home, he probed me on why I was unhappy. I really didnt want to tell him straight, its really not me. But I guessed my emotions went all out. I dont deny I think alot. And every detail came across my mind.

Once the baby is born, nothing can be undone. I will have a no return new mother life. I really want to make sure that I have no more regrets in my life.

His response to my concerns were marginal if I graded it. I could not feel that he really wanted the wedding plans.

I should not compare. But I could not help feeling he may not love me the most. I asked myself several times. If not for the baby, why could he not turned in the papers earlier? He knew it will make me feel better. But why didnt he? I am afraid.

Now the consequences are ahead of me.

5th July: Another discovery day

I told myself to have a happy day. I really did.

The couple of condoms I saw were sore to my eyes. I sorted out my thoughts and told myself to ask him when he comes home. He promised to throw it away few months back. I guessed he didnt.